you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
