Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
