So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
