there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
