I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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