I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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