____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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