the new term for farting is butt boxing.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
