A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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