I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
