It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
