return my video game
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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