dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
