3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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