she was so not down for the gang bang
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
