So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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