"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
