she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
