i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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