dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thus making me awesome and them whores
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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