I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
