It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
