We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
