we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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