No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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