do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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