Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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