I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
