either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
