does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
