I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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