I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
