I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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