cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
where are you?
Hypothermia
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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