This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
