he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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