I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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