saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
