So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
