And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize