Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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