As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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