I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
