Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
