Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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