My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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