I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
