there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
