well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
