bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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