i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
