He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
