just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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