yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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