You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
