it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
