Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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