and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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