i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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