It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
