you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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