I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
