What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
