Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
