I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize