i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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