I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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