I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize