sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
