I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
