i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize