i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
