Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
