dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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