got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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