You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
