puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
