i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
